Thursday
Sep102009
On Editing by Brian Edwards
Brian Edwards September 10, 2009 at 8:39AM On Editing
Originally
I wrote
how strange
it is to find
that the thing
in the hand
of the person
next to you
on the bus
is a urine sample
in a polythene bag
before realising
I need make
no mention
of the bus.
~
Reader Comments (15)
love it!
superbly expressed definition
of the editing process.
I'm serious, I love this poem.
What about nixing
Originally
I wrote
?
On with ya, Scott!
So like so?:
How strange
it is to find
that the thing
in the hand
of the person
next to you
on the bus
is a urine sample
in a polythene bag
before realising
you need make
no mention
of the bus.
yeah,
should "that" be chopped?
ironic, this.
:)
I'm keen on "that" and "which" ... thinking
Oh, this is fun!
I like that that that's in my poem. Leave it alone.
Fun, yes, but ironic? How so?
Follow up posted btw, if ya didnae ken like.
Ahh, editing the poem on editing. ironic. geddit.
yeah.
I'm having doubts now. Thinking I might prefer the original . . .
Doubts are right on, right on! One of the myriad joys of crit, is when it bids one fink dat yuz wuz right on all along right on. Ya know?
Right.
I vote for the original. To me, when you lose the 'I wrote' it's less about the editing process; also, it changes the subject of 'how strange', to my read anyway. Very funny though.
james
Yup.
Yes, without the bit about writing, I am likely to assume it is about relating a verbal anecdote, guided by the word "mention". Still funny, but not so spot on the particular.
Yup.