the formatting of the website
does not allow you to see the entire poem
there is text on the right side of this jpg image
that does not appear when posted
A view counter can only invite more sin! this place is already riddled with bits of sin! view counters will only invite additional putrescent sinning on the part of the poets! no! it is better never to know! Better than to lose oneself in the immaterial swells of pseudopoetical numerology! Read the words of the responses but never count them! Never count such things my sweet sinners! Else I'll come and have you all for dinner!
my feeling about authors seeing how many times a poem has been viewed
has nothing to do with Mr Moseman's diatribe about sin.
sharing is a beautiful offshoot of the creative process
and identifying whether the sharing is taking place by viewing
how many times a poem has been reviewed is in my opinion
a friendly process of creating awareness to members here.
Thanks for explaining your thinking behind the counter. I hadn't thought of it that way to be honest. Cheers.
Now, to the poem . . . . .
I agree with Pete that the construction of that line reads awkwardly. I think there are simply too many words. Why "half"? Why imported"? And why would the holes in a wheel of cheese need to be counted? Basically, why not:
I like the grammatical anomaly. Made me fink, as I figure it is intentional.
I got as far as the (w)holes being more than the sum of parmesan. Then I got thinking about Cheese wheels. Some large ones get rolled around here each year, but I've yet to take in the event.
From a site about cheese: "The shape of a cheese wheel makes it possible for cheese makers to literally roll their cheeses around to move them. When cheeses weigh hundreds of pounds, maneuverability is a vital characteristic, as cheese may need to be turned or relocated at various stages during the curing process, and it needs to be taken to market eventually. As long as a cheese remains whole in the form of a cheese wheel, it will continue to cure, and it will resist unwanted visitors like insects and bacteria. Once a cheese wheel is cracked open, however, the clock starts ticking, since the cheese is exposed to the elements. It is important to handle cheese carefully once a cheese wheel has been opened, and to consume it in a timely fashion."
thank you for sharing that wheel story
it is much appreciated
dear Brian
in the poem HALF allows for the visual that creates a way to have the inside exposed
and at the same time a questioning as to whether the half has been neatly/surgically cut
or has it been eaten away at ( which way do we experience that which brings us to the
center of awareness in life )
in the poem HOLES also has a somewhat reference to the two holes in the ground
that were needed for the burial of the daughters
dear Pete
for me the 'so much more than' refers to a sort of experiential awareness
rather than to an exacting amount of holes......
yet while i do speak almost as much Dutch as i do English
i am always happy to hear from readers if my grammar etc etc
is far off from the accepted norms
so then the holes in her story are so much more (important) than the ones that could be counted? that sort of makes sense, i think. perhaps this grammatical problem points up the reserved meaning.
But it's still a dodgy pun. "Holes in her story" suggests lies, but the explanation tells us the holes indicate the death of her daughters. The logic of the cheese comparison also comes into question.
Please discuss the logic of the cheese comparison in "Salmon Skyline" by silent lotus.
"Holes in a story" is more suggestive to me of omissions, and does not necessarily suggest lies. Perhaps things even more painful than the enumerated loss of children (which is archetypically up there at the top of the parental-pain list), and the loss of trees on land is always significantly imbued (at least here where I live, on an island of tree-huggers.) I quite like the enumeration on the right hand side.
pete typed: "so then the holes in her story are so much more (important) than the ones that could be counted? that sort of makes sense, i think. perhaps this grammatical problem points up the reserved meaning."
This is what I was thinking, with liking the grammatical anomaly, and the whole being more than the sum.
OK, lemme come at this again. Perhaps I have a different understanding of the expression, but I associate "holes in his/her story" with detective shows: "story" being alibi and "holes" being deliberate omissions of information that would be incriminating. If the information being omitted was about the death of 2 family members, the detectives in said show would probably assume the teller of said story was the "perp". Am I to consider the possibility, therefore, that the lead character in "Salmon Skyline" murdered her own daughters?
Regards the "grammatical anomaly", it's clearer if one replaces "were" with "meant". Not suggesting you do that though Chasan.
Please discuss the logic of the cheese comparison in "Salmon Skyline" by silent lotus.
"Holes in a story" is more suggestive to me of omissions, and does not necessarily suggest lies. Perhaps things even more painful than the enumerated loss of children (which is archetypically up there at the top of the parental-pain list), and the loss of trees on land is always significantly imbued (at least here where I live, on an island of tree-huggers.) I quite like the enumeration on the right hand side.
August 11, 2009 at 9:32AM | Shari-Lyn McArthur
dear Shari-Lyn
i am grateful for your beautiful understanding of the 'feminine nature' in the voice of this poem.
silent lotus
Reader Comments (22)
dear Shari & Brian
there is a problem here
the formatting of the website
does not allow you to see the entire poem
there is text on the right side of this jpg image
that does not appear when posted
this is am important issue for the web master
thanks
silent lotus
it mighty also be nice to have a counter
to see how many times a poem has been viewed
yes, the counter's a good suggestion......
The right side of the poem should be visible now.
Why the need for a counter? I am not convinced but am willing to be.
Apologies for not commenting on the poem Chasan. Will be back when I have more time.
B.
~
A view counter can only invite more sin! this place is already riddled with bits of sin! view counters will only invite additional putrescent sinning on the part of the poets! no! it is better never to know! Better than to lose oneself in the immaterial swells of pseudopoetical numerology! Read the words of the responses but never count them! Never count such things my sweet sinners! Else I'll come and have you all for dinner!
dear Shari-Lynn
yes indeed the poem is now visible in its entirety
thank you for waving your magic cyber wand !
smiles
silent lotus
dear Brian
my feeling about authors seeing how many times a poem has been viewed
has nothing to do with Mr Moseman's diatribe about sin.
sharing is a beautiful offshoot of the creative process
and identifying whether the sharing is taking place by viewing
how many times a poem has been reviewed is in my opinion
a friendly process of creating awareness to members here.
silent lotus
sin is good. especially for poets.
but to turn to the poem, i question the grammatical correctness of 'so much more'. surely this should be 'so many'?
Chasan,
Thanks for explaining your thinking behind the counter. I hadn't thought of it that way to be honest. Cheers.
Now, to the poem . . . . .
I agree with Pete that the construction of that line reads awkwardly. I think there are simply too many words. Why "half"? Why imported"? And why would the holes in a wheel of cheese need to be counted? Basically, why not:
Her story had more holes than a wheel of cheese.
Or, or, or, get this
Her story was holier than a wheel of cheese.
Eh? See what I did there? Eh?
The toenails are a clever touch. Nice.
B.
~
I like the grammatical anomaly. Made me fink, as I figure it is intentional.
I got as far as the (w)holes being more than the sum of parmesan. Then I got thinking about Cheese wheels. Some large ones get rolled around here each year, but I've yet to take in the event.
From a site about cheese: "The shape of a cheese wheel makes it possible for cheese makers to literally roll their cheeses around to move them. When cheeses weigh hundreds of pounds, maneuverability is a vital characteristic, as cheese may need to be turned or relocated at various stages during the curing process, and it needs to be taken to market eventually. As long as a cheese remains whole in the form of a cheese wheel, it will continue to cure, and it will resist unwanted visitors like insects and bacteria. Once a cheese wheel is cracked open, however, the clock starts ticking, since the cheese is exposed to the elements. It is important to handle cheese carefully once a cheese wheel has been opened, and to consume it in a timely fashion."
How similar to the personal story of some.
When I worked as a pizza chef, I stole a (w)hole wheel of parmesan. Took me a (w)hole year.
dear Shari-Lyn
thank you for sharing that wheel story
it is much appreciated
dear Brian
in the poem HALF allows for the visual that creates a way to have the inside exposed
and at the same time a questioning as to whether the half has been neatly/surgically cut
or has it been eaten away at ( which way do we experience that which brings us to the
center of awareness in life )
in the poem HOLES also has a somewhat reference to the two holes in the ground
that were needed for the burial of the daughters
dear Pete
for me the 'so much more than' refers to a sort of experiential awareness
rather than to an exacting amount of holes......
yet while i do speak almost as much Dutch as i do English
i am always happy to hear from readers if my grammar etc etc
is far off from the accepted norms
a warm smile
silent lotus
So is the pun intended? Seems in poor taste if it is. . .
so then the holes in her story are so much more (important) than the ones that could be counted? that sort of makes sense, i think. perhaps this grammatical problem points up the reserved meaning.
But it's still a dodgy pun. "Holes in her story" suggests lies, but the explanation tells us the holes indicate the death of her daughters. The logic of the cheese comparison also comes into question.
Never thought I'd write that.
B.
~
Sounds like the makin's of an essay question.
Please discuss the logic of the cheese comparison in "Salmon Skyline" by silent lotus.
"Holes in a story" is more suggestive to me of omissions, and does not necessarily suggest lies. Perhaps things even more painful than the enumerated loss of children (which is archetypically up there at the top of the parental-pain list), and the loss of trees on land is always significantly imbued (at least here where I live, on an island of tree-huggers.) I quite like the enumeration on the right hand side.
pete typed: "so then the holes in her story are so much more (important) than the ones that could be counted? that sort of makes sense, i think. perhaps this grammatical problem points up the reserved meaning."
This is what I was thinking, with liking the grammatical anomaly, and the whole being more than the sum.
OK, lemme come at this again. Perhaps I have a different understanding of the expression, but I associate "holes in his/her story" with detective shows: "story" being alibi and "holes" being deliberate omissions of information that would be incriminating. If the information being omitted was about the death of 2 family members, the detectives in said show would probably assume the teller of said story was the "perp". Am I to consider the possibility, therefore, that the lead character in "Salmon Skyline" murdered her own daughters?
Regards the "grammatical anomaly", it's clearer if one replaces "were" with "meant". Not suggesting you do that though Chasan.
B.
~
Sounds like the makin's of an essay question.
Please discuss the logic of the cheese comparison in "Salmon Skyline" by silent lotus.
"Holes in a story" is more suggestive to me of omissions, and does not necessarily suggest lies. Perhaps things even more painful than the enumerated loss of children (which is archetypically up there at the top of the parental-pain list), and the loss of trees on land is always significantly imbued (at least here where I live, on an island of tree-huggers.) I quite like the enumeration on the right hand side.
August 11, 2009 at 9:32AM | Shari-Lyn McArthur
dear Shari-Lyn
i am grateful for your beautiful understanding of the 'feminine nature' in the voice of this poem.
a warm smile
silent lotus
SL, so much to enjoy here, including the cheese, actual, image and essay question!
i'm willing to accept the grammatical complexities on trust... they speak of something beyond the ordinary
i especially like the rhyme and the shape and the toenails....
k