Hazardous Embers by matt moseman

I want to walk into stores in town smoking,

I say good morning to people who

nobody thinks people would ever say it to,

I want to walk into CVS smoking,

I want to walk into Upper Crust Bagel Company smoking,

just like what’s up

soaking in the loathing glares,

taking a pull 2 pulls,

nothing is out of the ordinary

somebody confronts me,

oh sorry I just totally forgot my bad

I want to walk into the cabinet store and smoke up the displays,

I want to walk into all eleven gaudy banks with cushy chairs and climate control smoking

I pick people to say hi to by a likelihood to bewilder them,

I want to walk into rye school of dance smoking,

I want to walk into the smoke shop on the corner, smoking,

the fire house—I already walked into starbucks smoking.

Update on August 24, 2009 at 7:36AM by Matt Moseman

Hazardous Embers

I want to walk into stores in town smoking,
I say good morning to people who
nobody thinks people would ever say it to,
I want to walk into CVS smoking,
I want to walk into Upper Crust Bagel Company smoking,
just like what’s up
soaking in the loathing glares,
taking a pull 2 pulls,
nothing is out of the ordinary
somebody confronts me,
oh sorry I just totally forgot my bad
I want to walk into the cabinet store and smoke up the displays,
I want to walk into all eleven gaudy banks with cushy chairs and climate control smoking
I pick people to say hi to by a likelihood to bewilder them,
I want to walk into rye school of dance smoking,
I want to walk into the smoke shop on the corner, smoking,
the fire house—I already walked into starbucks

Comments

[pete pick]

howabout it ends "i already went into starbucks."?

[Matt Moseman]

deal

[pete pick]

yeh, i think that's better, it doesn't need the last repetition. this has a good, hypnotic quality, what the hipsters used to call a 'riff'. have you read much 'beat generation' material? i always liked ginsburg's "howl" and something about it (it's sprawling intensity) might suit you.

[Brian Edwards]

I want you to walk into a restaurant next to me and my family smoking.
So I can punch you in the face.

This has about as much "riff" as a 3-year old spouting "willies tits arses poo and piss" repeatedly for hours and hours just because he can. Both in terms of poetics and ideas it is very poor. The title screams "High School Poet".

B.

~

[pete pick]

hey brian, that's harsh.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

Brian, there is no spoon.

I had fun visualising this wannabe smoke stack fuming around town, greeting those whom no one greets.

Tobacco smokers (in Canada) are one of the last groups it's seemingly okay to publicly humiliate. I have a riveting beer festival smokers' section anecdote, which I'll save for another day.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

I'm actually kind of glad that cigarette smoking is once again rebellious (in Canada, that is; can't speak for the state of it elsewhere). Not to downplay the documented downsides of tobacco use, it's just that when everybody was smoking, rebels had to do significantly more serious stuff.

[Matt Moseman]

if it's not harsh it's not kritik. i would recommend a minimum of 3 criticisms per complement on a general basis.