edges of beds by Matt Moseman

there are people who lie
on the edges of beds
afraid to touch
across the expanse
of sheets and quilts and comforters
unruffled by lust

Update on June 16, 2009 at 12:47PM by Matt Moseman

there are people who lie
on the edges of beds
afraid to touch
across the expanse
of sheets and quilts and comforters

Comments

[pete pick]

i would have
"afraid to touch across unruffled sheets and quilts and comforters"
and people would read the rest into it if they could be bothered. it would flow better like that. but i don't expect you will agree.

[Matt Moseman]

the weakness of your argument you yourself elucidate; if they could be bothered. as a general rule, they cannot.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

I eschew general rules. If they can't be bothered, they won't be.

[Matt Moseman]

"It seems to me that even though the king may know he will fail, the king must try."-John Steinbeck, The Short Reign of Pippin IV

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

I do find the finer fear ruffled in lust.

[Erika Hommel]

i would take out the last line, it minimizes the strength of your poem

create a little chaos

[Matt Moseman]

yeah i think you're right

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

E was right. Significant ambiguity.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

I much enjoy the semi-anticipated yet potentially suspensefuliousness of the updated penultimate/final lines, evoking

across the expanse
of sheets [cheats] and quilts [guilt] and comforters [consorts]

[Scott Douglas]

It must be hyper-post-modernism,
kings fight losing battles
adorned without the new clothes
of emperors.

I must say, I am unfamiliar
with which the tongue
you speak.

(I don't understand your poem, sorry.)

[Matt Moseman]

"there's people that push things in the moat. Pretty hard work too. There's just people that push things in the moat.[...]I guess there's people that pull things out-- that's what they do. I guess I'm one of that kind."-John Steinbeck, The Short Reign of Pippin IV

[Erika Hommel]

excellent quote