summer time by Erika Hommel

I am in love
with the lucent green
in waving breeze, crisp tree skin,
organically peeled back sky
to offer only beauty and nothing,
a wonderful void that doesn’t beckon
nor demand, but just exists in peace
yes,
I am in love.

Comments

[Matt Moseman]

i liked this but my gut says there's[gotta be] a better way to do L4 than 'organically'

[Erika Hommel]

Chemically?

[Brian Edwards]

Is this an ironic death wish?
Agree about organically. Do you need a modifier at all?

B.

[Sue Lozynskyj]

Mmmm nice, Erika. I'd nix only from line 5 and move to from the beginning of that line to the beginning of line 6 A moment in time poem. lovely

[Joe Lofgren]

Lots of the letter "L" in first 4 lines...subsequently few. I feel L4 has too many syllables with respect to the previous, L3. Perhaps, if I am reading it this way and you feel it shouldn't change, you should rethink the line breaks. Excellent texture, verbally speaking.

Joe

[pete pick]

organically! they are right. and does a void 'exist'? but i am in love too.

[Scott Douglas]

I love summer too.
I think I enjoy your poem over a lager
in the hamock.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

This piece has been posted by the author to her portfolio.

It will now be moved to closed critique.