How To Get A Warm Wash For Twenty Girls When You’re Twelve by Sue Lozynskyj
Sue Lozynskyj May 23, 2009 at 3:13PM
How To Get A Warm Wash For Twenty Girls When You’re Twelve.
(For mavis wood who showed me)
You need an oil drum, not too tall or wide,
It’s rusty outside, and inside
the walls are smooth with soot.
There’s no lid,
and in the other end a hole
the size of a girl’s clenched fist.
Stand it on four bricks
and block the hole with a wooden stake
at least as tall as your drum.
Fill the drum with sawdust
climb in and cram it down with bare feet
pack more in, until your feet are black
and you reek of sap and smoke.
Lift the stake out gently,
leaving a shaft through the sawdust.
Balance a four-gallon pan on top
light the smallest of fires under the drum
listen to it twist up through the sawdust
then dole out warm water
judged by weight in the dark.
Brian Edwards
How To Get A Warm Wash For Twenty Girls When You’re Twelve.
(For Mavis Wood who showed me)
An oil drum.
No, not that big,
not as big as Old Rusty,
which you left home on
walking backwards to join the circus,
rumbling so loud, women came out to their gates
hoping for tanks.
This oil drum is half that size,
It’s rusty outside, and inside
the walls are smooth with soot.
There’s no lid,
and in the other end a hole
the size of a girl’s clenched fist
Stand it on four bricks
and block the hole with a wooden stake
at least as tall as your drum.
Fill the drum with sawdust
climb in and cram it down with bare feet
pack more in, until your feet are black
and you reek of sap and smoke.
Lift the stake out gently,
leaving a shaft through the sawdust.
Balance a four-gallon pan on top
light the smallest of fires under the drum
listen to it twist up through the sawdust
till the drum's burned clear
then dole out warm water
to the girls and the guiders.
Sue Lozynskyj
Update on June 23, 2009 at 9:41PM by 
Brian Edwards
How To Get A Warm Wash For Twenty Girls When You’re Twelve.
(For Mavis Wood who showed me)
An oil drum.
No, not that big
not as big as Old Rusty
which you left home on
walking backwards to join the circus
rumbling so loud, women came out to their gates
hoping for tanks.
This oil drum is half that size.
It’s rusty outside, and inside
the walls are smooth with soot.
There’s no lid
and in the other end a hole
the size of a girl’s clenched fist.
Stand it on four bricks
and block the hole with a wooden stake
at least as tall as your drum.
Fill the drum with sawdust
climb in and cram it down with bare feet
pack more in, until your feet are black
and you reek of sap and smoke.
Lift the stake out gently
to leave a shaft through the sawdust.
Balance a four-gallon pan on top
light the smallest of fires under the drum
listen to it twist up through the sawdust
till the drum's burned clear
then dole out warm water
to the girls and the guiders.
Reader Comments (18)
sue, a wonderful, vivid fable.
i especially like the forward press, the sense of generative power
k
I agree with Kevin on the vividness of this ; it is a beautifully realised descriptive piece. I did wonder if there was scope for bringing in more human interest or implying a little more beyond the word-picture. Maybe I'm missing a subtext here.
I get it up to this point:
Balance a four-gallon pan on top
light the smallest of fires under the drum
listen to it twist up through the sawdust
then dole out warm water
judged by weight in the dark.
I'm so confused, and maybe its me, but I've followed the instructions up until this point, and I feel like step was skipped? Or am I just being clueless?
Erika beat me to the punch! I had exactly the same reaction. So maybe that makes two dummies?
It's a very strong draft Sue, potential for something very fine methinks, but something lacking? John's suggestion of "more human interest" might hold fruit.
B.
I tried to use "post follow up" but can't find what I posted so I've put the new version in the thread here.
How To Get A Warm Wash For Twenty Girls When You’re Twelve.
(For Mavis Wood who showed me) Draft 2
An oil drum.
No, not that big,
not as big as Old Rusty,
which you left home on
walking backwards to join the circus,
rumbling so loud, women came out to their gates
hoping for tanks.
This oil drum is half that size,
It’s rusty outside, and inside
the walls are smooth with soot.
There’s no lid,
and in the other end a hole
the size of a girl’s clenched fist
Stand it on four bricks
and block the hole with a wooden stake
at least as tall as your drum.
Fill the drum with sawdust
climb in and cram it down with bare feet
pack more in, until your feet are black
and you reek of sap and smoke.
Lift the stake out gently,
leaving a shaft through the sawdust.
Balance a four-gallon pan on top
light the smallest of fires under the drum
listen to it twist up through the sawdust
till the drum's burned clear
then dole out warm water
to the girls and the guiders.
ahhh, so much better, perfect thank you, now I understand
Thank you, Erika, Brian, John, Kevin. It's a poem that needs clarity...
Sue, I took the liberty of posting the revised version as a follow-up, as I noticed you had difficulty when you tried to do this.
I like the revision very much and think this is ready to move to Portfolio. Please let me know.
B.
~
Thanks Brian, I'd like you to move it there. Does that mean I can't change it after the move? There's a couple of commas to come out.
It dawned on me, centuries from now
when historians read this,
they will consider us quite mad,
or at least quaint.
historians will read this?
of course.
take everything I say as literal truth.
ok then.
It's ready for portfolio please Brian.
Sue, once work is in portfolio, you will still be able to make changes, but ideally the content of the portfolio should be finished work that showcases you as author and is eligible to appear in our annual print publication and/or on the home page.
Unlike some sites. where work is allowed to slide down through the pages regardless of whether or not the author is satisfied, on this site we hope to take each poem through to a satisfactory state of completion. When that stage is reached, the critique thread will be closed and archived and the completed poem should be reposted in the author's portfolio, forming part of the author's showcase of work.
We are still working out the details of how this stage in the process will best work: whether the work will be posted in portfolios by members or editors or some combination of effort. We would appreciate any thoughts you might have on this.
Apologies for the delay in responding.
B.
~
I do like the idea of portfolio. I don't like each update showing even when it's just small changes. I think it might entail a lot of work for the editors once the site gets busy, and it seems a bit paternalistic to have to ask for your poem to go into your portfolio...but maybe without that dynamic folks will be putting any old halfworked stuff in!
it seems clear to me that members should post to their own portfolios. editors can reserve the right to say what gets 'published' in whatever form, that is a public, corporate sort of role, but portfolios are for writers...... for myself i doubt if a poem is ever finished, and therefore entombed once in portfolio.
in the 16th C. people copied variations of a poem into books.... only printing and the bible have given us the notion that we must have a single definitive text.
perhaps the internet will loosen up that fixation. in the new era, is it not so important what a work is as what is done with it?
I am leaning towards the idea that members should post work in their portfolios. I agree with Pete that a poem is perhaps never "finished", but if our aim is to get work to "its best" (to use Shari's language) there has to be some kind of cut-off point, no? Whether or not a poem is ever finished is the concern of the author, but here we are talking about public critique.
For argument's sake, perhaps it is better to say that when a poem is of a standard that we would not hesitate to send to a decent publisher/journal, then it is ready for portfolio. That decision is made (only) by the author, who then reposts it to their journal. Once a poem has been posted to journal, the editors can assume that the author no longer wishes for the poem to be actively critiqued and then has the option of moving the critique thread to archive.
Any of that make sense?
B.
~