Baptism by A.E. Plastic

Colette equine

and lacquered

watches her words

under mama’s stinting gaze

molecules blood fluids

all out of sight

plough on

Reverend swishes past

lunch-bellied satrap

assured and thespian

Mrs. McGinnity’s girl

isn’t it ah you’ve the look

of your da

a sad loss

to the parish a sad loss indeed

in one fell movement

larrups the back of

Padraig crestfallen father

aren’t you the fine fellow now

begod we thought

you’d have hung up

your boots long ago boy

and molecules blood fluids

all out of sight

plough on

Comments

[Matt Moseman]

is this double-spaced on purpose or did you just paste from word? if the latter then use this:
http://jonathanhedley.com/articles/2008/03/convert-microsoft-word-to-plain-text

[Brian Edwards]

Thanks for that link Matt. Double spacing seems to be the default setting with the site software.

Glad to read this again John. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on line breaks sometime. Here, they tread a fine line between deliberate obfuscation and the construction (manipulation) of meaning(s). Personally, I think it works, but I suspect others might think differently. Anyway, your rationale would be welcome.

B.

[pete pick]

i can't see this picture, or track this narrative, although at least one character is clear to me. i strongly dislike 'one fell movement', which is the reiteration of cliche.

[Brian Edwards]

Agree with Pete about that line being weak. Picture comes through clear enough for me though, and even if it is vague, it's enjoyable enough for me not to care.

B.