Motel Love by Brian Edwards

Motel Love

This is the hour—

whiskey settled in for the night,

air still

taut with belt buckles

and the shakes yet to pass

that he likes to remind her

it’s best to define things

by what

they are not.

~

Comments

[Sue Lozynskyj]

I Like this Brian, just don't get line three...are they belt buckles form the car, trousers, even a plane? Sorry to be so thick!

[Brian Edwards]

Thanks Sue. I wonder, does it matter?

Mmm . . . ponderin' on.

B.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

Belt buckles only mean one thing to me. P'raps I'm sheltered.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

This is the hour—

whiskey settled in for the night,

air still taut with belt buckles

and the shakes yet to pass

that he likes to remind her

it’s best to define things

by what they are

not.

[Matt Moseman]

'well do you really want to keep clawing at the skin of the things we can see trying to find meaning, or would you like some perspective to help speed things along?'

[Matt Moseman]

and i wouldn't take out the still. double meaning, worth keeping.

[Matt Moseman]

actually triple meaning if you tie it to the whiskey...

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

still is implicit

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

over implicit now that you've mentioned whiskey

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

taut is temporal

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

Meaning is over-rated

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

this is the hour

can't stay taut for that long? Crikey

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

mebbe line break?

air still

taut with belt buckles

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

dunno

hooked on "air taut" obviously

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

I do indeed adore a discussion about words. They really mean sumfink.

[Brian Edwards]

You two finished?

I like Matt's double/triple meaning take on still and also Shari's suggested line break.

Does This is the hour imply the air is taut for a whole hour?

What do you mean about meanings being over-rated? Single definite meanings? Yes.

B.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

I shall prolly go on at length at some point, I'm sure. There is a point to be made or belaboured.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

Writers! You lot are always going on about meaning sumfinks. Buncha liars. It's wut yer readers fink you mean, dat is wut matters. Open brackets Xept for non-fiction closed brackets.

[Matt Moseman]

lol there's no such thing as non-fiction

[Matt Moseman]

we're information age american poets, we don't have readers per se just squinters mostly.

[Brian Edwards]

Not all american matt.

I've added the line break suggested previously by Shari and now considering moving this to portfolio.

Yay? Nay?

B.

~

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

I do like it.

[jamesthomashoward]

clever.

[Brian Edwards]

Moving to portfolio. Thanks.