Menthol by Matt Moseman

the order, that we established earlier
has decayed, has collapsed;
(I'm sure this is what always happens)
it was made of many singular concrete bulwarks
that have cracked,
and have split.

So what shall we do?
Shall we fill in the cracks
with sweet, minty smelling toothpaste?
shall we make especially sure
that our teeth gleam argent purity
as the world ends?

Or our world rather,
not the whole world--
never the whole world.

clap clap
clap away, until your palms bleed
and stain Jesus' feet.

And so we shall stain him,
we shall smother him in tattooing,
the bastard, or rather the son of a whore
who snuffs out desire for more.

Comments

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

How fitting that this one seems to have slipped through the cracks. I like it. Quite like the tone of the third S. Like the end rhyme. Really like "smother him in tattooing".

Do you wish this moved to your portfolio as is?

thoughts:

that have cracked, have split.

(like constructed previously, with "has decayed, has collapsed;"

shall we fill in the ... perhaps another word for "cracks" which encompasses both crack and split

[Brian Edwards]

This has already been posted in portfolio so I am moving it to closed critique. I have done the same with a number of your other pieces Matt, just so you know.
Thanks for making full use of the site features.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

Thanks, Brian. I didn't catch this in portfolio. I will now.

Matt, I prescribe a round of soundbite doses for you.

Man, when you write spare, rarefied air, sip, gulp, stare, and blink I always lose staring contests