Aso, January 27th 2009 by Brian Edwards
Brian Edwards April 30, 2009 at 9:49AM 
Aso, January 27th, 2009
Grey strands cannot pierce the stubborn black;
not his style of leadership to wear his burden
like a badge. This hair has been to Stanford.
The hand that pushes the comb has shaken
those of presidents and kings, signed money
into coffers and the swag-bags of high office.
Ancestors' hands pushed slaves into coalmines,
came up clutching bags of wind that carried
young Taro over the Pacific, stowed below
deck on a whim. On the day he pays, he'll miss
the quiet of a cocktail and a comic book, time
to reflect on a simple life of privilege, to recall
the rocketing heart of a young Catholic boy
chased and taunted along the Honami river,
a thousand miles from war, fifty years from
hate, coal-black hair ballooned by Shinto wind.
Reader Comments (23)
You putting this up in Critique, or is it done?
Well, I thought it was, but you disagree . . . ?
What makes you think I disagree?
Oh, ok. Just wondered why you asked. Will you query every portfolio post similarly? Or are you just checking I posted in the right place?
I shan't query every Portfolio post that has not gone through Critique, no. But, you do realise that according to current policy, this piece cannot be considered for publication, since it has not been exposed to Critique (whether it changes or not as a result of feedback)???
It can go to one's Portfolio without Critique, but it can't go to Publication without Critique, according to current policy.
Policy comments welcome.
I'd love to nominate this for publication, but according to the site Dictators, a piece has to go through Critique before it's eligible for their snooty publications.
Stoopit policy. The Eds should be banned for it.
Thanks for clarifying Shari. That throws up some interesting points worthy of discussion perhaps.
I'm sure we all have several poems that we would like to be considered for publication, but don't feel need "workshopping". Posting to critique just to enable eligibility without actually being up for revising, seems to defeat the purpose of the board.
B.
Yes, it does open some discussion-worthy avenues. To me, "Critique" does NOT equal "Workshopping". I do not "workshop" my stuff; that's just not my style. It surely works for others, but not for me. That said, I will gratefully subject my material to Critique. Usually my stuff remains (mostly) unchanged, but I benefit hugely as a writer, from it being critiqued.
Semantics or Rheostatics?
That is interesting. Does the word "workshop" appear anywhere on the site? Maybe I have the wrong idea about the crit boards . . ?
And I forgot to thank New Here for the support. But who the fuck are you?
B.
New Here, in this instance, was me. It is a test account, so that as developer, I can see what a new user might encounter.
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I dunno if the term "workshop" appears anywhere. I doubt it, but it might. I'll look around. I hope not. "Workshop" is soooo not today.
FTR, my opinings on this topic are just that: mine. For me, the metaphor of the "workshop" just does not scale. Santa Claus excepted, the workshop has (in Canada) been a fairly sanctuary-ish place; a dominion in which to tinker uninterrupted by the typically unignorable screeches of naysayeres and better-do-wells. In the workshop, one is mostly by oneself, or at most with one or two close compatriots, whom one would trust around one's tools.
Critique, however... bring it on! I will gratefully subject my tinkered material to the most rigourous of critique. My stuff may or may not change, but it appreciates going through the laugh test.
If folks want "workshop", I'll figure out how to work it in.
We can accomodate different writing and editing styles. The gating issue, I fink, is the current policy of having to be willing to go through Critique, in order to be considered for Publication.
"Authors will be given the opportunity to revise and refine and new work in a sympathetic but rigorous workshop environment, based on constructive criticism and positive suggestions received from fellow-writers and discerning readers. " From What is After Literature.
Thanks!
I'll have to duke it out with the rest of yus over "workshop".
Don't mean to be a smart ass by posting that btw! Just occurred that7s how it might read!
As we have proven several times today already, semantics/rheostats are quite important.
I happen to agree with much of what you wrote above regards workshops and critique (for what that's worth)
Goodness graciouscity! Please do not ever worry about being a smart ass around me. I come here from the interweb trenches of utter dumb assedness. I am confident we can find a joyous path.
We must speak our minds, confident others will ask, if we seem to be not making sense.
hmmm.... firstly, i almost completely do not understand the above poem. that is the words make sense but i do not know (and am not made to care) who it is about, or why. not that i think it's bad. secondly, i actually prefer the idea or term workshop to critique, since i think it sounds friendlier. of course i would have no intention of taking any notice of suggestions made by others, and i trust no-one else would either. (i am being slightly facetious here, as usual). i think the policy of placing things in front of critique/workshop before publication is basically sound.
i do very much like the line "this hair has been to stanford", even though it may not be entirely accurate factually, on the 'same river twice' principle.
Pete, thanks for the look-see. That you do not care about the poem's subject is a good thing. Trust me.
But anyway, please take your critique to an appropriate venue and leave this portfolio space for fauning and fanzining only. Thanks.
(winking smiley)
I don't know that Critiquing is necessarily an off-putting term, but I won't be dying in the trenches over it. The point for me is that the critiquing [insert euphemism here] process should be a key element of what we're about- allowing people to obtain informed responses to their work and to mesh as a community of writers. And until you've roadtested a piece I'm not so sure you can say that it is immutable and final. The policy of not featuring/publishing non-critiqued work is the only way of trying to ensure that this process happens. The site after all is free of charge-this is the only string we attach to spotlighting work.
Yup.
Is there any disagreement with this policy?
Good Lord, I am way tooo ADHD to read this fucking thread, and I apologize if I throw a wrench in the works, but I kind of like the idea of our stuff going through crit. before going into port. but I also like (as I have) posting freely in it, what if there's a way to mark it as gone through a crit. verses just plopped? Organization people! lol ;)
The pragmatics as i see them are that we really want to encourage people to put their work up for comment and discussion - it's an intrinsic constituent of the communal/developmental approach we want to foster. I've always liked this poem and this version even more so. Gives a sense of a life lived and the circularity is satisfying without being forced or contrived.