Faust Us - by Shari-Lyn McArthur

Faust Us


Even the best 
of me
was not enough
for the worst 
of you.

Your rogue 
Diabolic
 
My fiend
Insidious

I would not trade 
a single moment
even for just one more. 

Comments

[pete pick]

i love the paradoxical conclusion. very nice, spare piece.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

Thank you, pete.

[Matt Moseman]

this sounds like the things that the coeds write to/of me

[Brian Edwards]

I keep reading fiend as friend. . .

Very sharp and spare, yes, but can't help wanting one really strong image . . . maybe something in the middle?
Probably just me.

[David Alcock]

Sometimes it's senseless to try to 'critique'. I love this one. Spare is the word. But very true.

I like it as it is - maybe the second inversion on insidious would be better put straight - sacrificing parellelism for counterpointing both? - but that's a very minor point.

D

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

as in

my insidious fiend

?

[David Alcock]

Dunno - it doesn't split on the lines nicely does it. Forget it. I don't agree with myself today.

[Shari-Lyn McArthur]

Thanks, everyone. I am done with this one, and have posted the final version to my Portfolio, which in this case, has remained unchanged from the original one posted for Critique.