Baked Saury Pike and Chopsticks by Brian Edwards
Brian Edwards October 9, 2009 at 3:24PM Baked Saury Pike and Chopsticks
I force entry
how you taught me—
just above the tail.
Skin shatters
as easily as glass
succumbs
to a fist.
I trace the spine
with the tip
of this primitive tool,
applying just enough
pressure
to scatter charred
and brittle finlets
in ticker-tape flakes
of silver and gold,
succulent petals
of white flesh
opening towards
a new light.
As I remove the head
with a swift snap,
avoiding contact
with the dead
black
eye—
I imagine
your grandfather
the one I never met
seated behind us
scrutiny burning
hunched shoulders
poised to scratch
the air
where once was a leg
lost in a war
or to strike away
a left hand
hovering
over stubborn bones.
~
Brian Edwards
Baked Saury Pike and Chopsticks
I force entry
how you taught me—
just above the tail.
Skin shatters
as easily as glass
succumbs
to a fist.
I trace the spine
with the tip
of this primitive tool,
applying just enough
pressure
to scatter charred
and brittle finlets
in ticker-tape flakes
of silver and gold.
As I remove the head
with a swift snap,
avoiding contact
with the dead
black
eye—
I imagine
your grandfather
the one I never met
seated behind us
scrutiny burning, hunched
shoulders, poised
to scratch the air
where once was a leg
lost in a war,
or to strike
away a left hand
hovering
over stubborn bones.
~
Reader Comments (7)
dem bones, dem bones ------- sigh
For a second there, I thought this was about fish.
Send it in to Cuisine magazine.
enjoyed it, no nit, no shit.
"pull it away" - evokes slow, and does not jive with "swift snap"
plus away from the body is implicit in removing a head
I'd nix that line
As I remove the head
with a swift snap,
avoiding contact
with the dead
black
eye—
Thanks Scott. Actually, I had a nit myself and changed "receives" in 1S to "succumbs to". Appreeshate the kudos.
Shari, yes, I think that line can go. Thanks.
B.
~
Posted a follow-up. Removed the line as suggested by Shari. Also nixed the petals of flesh which were too close to cliche, methinks.
Thinking on S1: is the opening too heavy handed? Shatters/glass --- that's lazy right?
Any input welcome.
B.
~
how about something else that succumbs to a fist but isn't so obviously a shatter? Maybe a nose, or a (perhaps too controversial) a battered woman (food play on batter too much)?
I force entry
how you taught me—
just above the tail.
Skin shatters
as easily as a nose
succumbs
to a fist.
I force entry
how you taught me—
just above the tail.
Skin shatters
as easily as a battered woman
succumbs
to a fist.
Shari
Perhaps nose and nix shatters?
Skin succumbs
as easily as a nose
to a fist.
But I am torn. Part of me thinks it's too explicit and another part of me thinks it's a bit comical . . . .
Torn? err . . . .
Skin tears
as easily as a tissue
to a sneeze.
:P