Sunday
Nov082009
malo, mala by Kevin Jackson
November 8, 2009 at 11:52PM
surrender twists
but cannot avoid
this thing
not possession
nor repugnance
juiced from
boyhood
not wild swan
nor doe
an inside clench
like a kick
a last lick
of innocence
kj7nov09
tagged Thrucrit, edselection
Thrucrit, edselection
Reader Comments (7)
Not 100% sure I am reading this right Kevin, but how I am reading it I enjoy very much. Great rhythm and mood throughout, the kick and lick hinting at the title, the masculine and feminine, the badness.
One small suggestion for the opening
surrender twists
but can't avoid
this thing
not possession
nor repugnance
Perhaps it's just my ear, but I do think the contraction scans better and wonder if it isn't cleaner to start with the 3 line stanza and then all couplets? Dunno. A small point anyway.
BTW, did you see my response to your query about posting to portfolio?
B.
~
B, great to hear it connected.... you're right on target, male and female, badness, which is either or both, or rather the construction others place on either or both... or perhaps the badness each fears the other will bring out of them...
Still pondering your suggestion on the opening... i quite like the way the current construction emphasises "avoid"... and only goes on to answer what is avoided in a series of evasions....
Will work on this, k
A very fine poem and a worthy showcase piece for the site. The sounds alone keep this poem working long after the read. Nicely done Kevin.
B.
~
B, many many thanks for this recognition. It means a great deal, especially as it finds me in a time of self-doubt (that may or may not be my winter energy dip). Poetry is neither process nor habit and I may have been pretending it is. What it really is is voice... and if the voice has nothing to say, then words aren't going to help.
Relishing the diverse talents of AL.
k
yes, poetry is voice! well said that man. also, i protest that i chose this poem for the front page and no other person was involved in my decision! by the way, kevin, you are supposed to tag these 'thrucrit', not put it in the title! i think you do this in the 'modify' section by clicking a thing in the bottom left hand corner. you do good work, kevin.
pete, my mistake.... i ran away with the notion that brian had done the picking without stopping to consider other possibilities! in that case to you many thanks are due and here they are, with all the warm feelings my log fire can send to you. tagging things thrucrit?... oops, i didn't read the rubric carefully enough... i shall put myself in detention (what a perfect way to avoid the whole christmas soap!)
best, k
thanks kevin. really, it was nothing (sniff.) i chose the poem because i liked it! and the thrucrit tagging seemed effective enough, if a bit forceful..... i'm glad of the fire, it's cold in sussex.