Toad by David Alcock
September 16, 2010 at 4:39AM The stinking toad that croaks his fart-warm music,
the bellows of his throat puff in, puff out.
His jaundiced eyes, drink-hooded, blink and blink:
he is far younger than he looks, yet far
too old to creep and clutch on this fresh earth.
O creeping toad, so scrawny, warty, pop-eyed,
crepuscular and crawling thing, who croaks
vile crepitations, belches, eructations:
your dissipation years your face, your guile
and falseness squirm behind your beaming gape.
That tailless wretch, he crept his two-faced way
into my bed while I had turned my back
and settled there, before my warmth had cooled:
he wastes his joy, though can't believe his luck,
to take at his age this warm nest to clutch.
Skin-shedder, self-devourer, witch's mark,
wart-giver, gobbler of spleen, liver-death,
convulsive, spasm-twitcher, sphiggener,
blinking toad, stinking toad, old crevice-creeper -
I ask: would you jump in my grave as quick?
Reader Comments (12)
the language is a thick pool, teeming with life, appropriate for the toad. S2 seems to be alluding to a possible trope that I lose track of. Nonetheless, within a few lines, I'm right back in the toad's world.
larry
David, how about you make the speaker angrier? The tension levels out too soon I think. Also "would you jump in
my grave as quick?" is too obvious?
I'm nitpicking of course, Larry's point about the language is spot-on. Great to see you posting again.
B.
Thanks - Larry, agree totally about s2. Brian, you made me chuckle.
Oh. How so?
The 'angrier' remark - I assume you were joking. On a sensible note, I was trying to retain some humour and lightness of tone - perhaps that might get lost by the wayside if more spleen was forcefed into the piece. :-)
Agree with both of you though - I need to do something drastic with s2, and the 'in my grave' is too lazy. Keeping it in the 'world of the toad' is the way to go.
atb D
Ok, tentative rethink:
The stinking toad that croaks his fart-warm music,
the bellows of his throat puff in, puff out.
His jaundiced eyes, besmeared with the bile
of his corrupted liver, blink and blink:
two fat, jellied balls, exuding slime,
wreathed by a surfeit of deceitful wrinkles.
He is far younger than he looks, yet far
too old to creep and drool on this fresh earth.
Your dissipation years your face, your guile
and falseness squirms behind your shit-filled smile.
O creeping toad, so scrawny, warty, pop-eyed,
crepuscular and crawling thing, who croaks
vile crepitations, belches, eructations;
you excremental lump, you blob of dung.
That tailless wretch, he crept his two-faced way
into my bed while I had turned my back
and settled there, before my warmth had cooled.
He wastes his joy, though can't believe his luck,
to take at his age this warm nest to clutch:
the pleasure lost behind his constant brooding
on his lost mate, who ministers another:
he patiently awaits his final croak,
before once more, once more, he'll make his move.
No doubt he'll scuttle back, his promises
left false upon his tongue's point, grey, protruding,
tasting fresh furrows, licking venomed words
in other ears, chanterelles too starved
of sweetness to discern his filthy lies.
Skin-shedder, self-devourer, witch's mark,
wart-giver, gobbler of spleen, liver-death,
convulsive, spasm-twitcher, sphiggener,
blinking toad, stinking toad, old crevice-creeper -
I ask: would you jump in my grave as quick?
s3 (as now) either needs to go, or be cut down drastically, and lose the meaning. I need to put this one in a drawer for a while I think. And before anyone wonders, sphiggen is cognate with sphincter and sphinx, and means 'to throttle', but isn't in a dictionary yet as far as I know.
A totally irrelevant comment from BE
Sphiggen was the name of the Boatwain in
Candia Restaurata, a play by the C17 2nd Earl of Westmorlant, politician and poet:
Extract for your delectation -
[Scene viii.]
Enter the boate Swayne Sphiggen and Lawles the master of the ship
Sphiggen:-
Of all the daies and nightes I haue vsd the deepe
soe great a storme and tempest sawe I neuer
to steale soe silently vppon our backs
without the least prognosticateing fowle,
cloud, or the like, this passenger, thats dy'de
in times white liuery, is some Coniurer
thats suffered to returne into this Country
to vse his art in laying worser spiritts
and quieting the land
BOB
This is gloriously horrible. It's not about a toad at all. Is it? Reminds me of my ex-husband SO much, right down to the anatomical details.
I thought crepuscular and crepitations were too close: likewise eructations and excremental. Just a bit OTT with the wordplay there.
Not too sure about chanterelles
Do you mean the fungus or the choir ? How could either be
too starved
of sweetness to discern his filthy lies. ?
And why pick on toads ? They´re quite nice when you get to know them - and not slimy at all: that´s frogs.
Thanks Bob for Sphiggen ref. Found it means originally 'to tighten' gk sphiggein - so fitting for a ship. Still thinking on chanterelles, and slime expunged. Catherine - what on earth do you mean "it's not about a toad"?! :-)
And I like toads too, myself. Sorry to slander the poor creatures.
p.s. Update posted above.
"It's not about a toad"
I meant, for me, it really is about my ex-husband. ahem For other readers, it's about a toad. Personal responses, eh? Random connections in readers' minds bring all sorts of parameters to poetry that the writer never envisaged.
Hi Catherine - I was agreeing with you completely - perhaps I should have been more clear. Of course it's about a person. :-)