Going For It

 What am I? 20 years after, having spent 50% of my time acting, playing a role that unlike many who do that naturally, and as well they should because not everything you do can be authentic, can it? I mean let's say your dog throws up and you have to clean it up and you are so disgusted and you feel like throttling him-the dog-but you don't--that's roleplaying but I mean the kind that is so intentionally false as to be close to psychotic--you are so afraid of what would happen if you spoke or left or even argued that instead, you devised a persona and only once in a while did you emerge from it, that is, actually when I started writing I began to find a way out and then I exposed myself, my work and people loved my voice so I exposed myself some more at open mics and you know, readings and so I kept writing and the emotion was so intense and packed in it, that's what most people said, well, it is only now that I realize that the reason that occured was because I never acknowledged feelings at all--or maybe I stopped acknowleging because they didn't get me anywhere and then well, they came out on paper and guess what--i regret that because even though I love my art, I am married to my art, I cannot live without my art, i regret not living. I want to live now. I want to feel out loud. And I am 46. Is it possible, now, coffee spoons and all? michaelangelo, measured. eat a peach? I'm going for it.